Interview on Sacramento & Co.

The interview on ABC affiliate, Channel 10, Sacramento & Co. seemed to go well today. We explored similarities between relationships at work and at home.

What do you think?

Appreciate Your Partner-Romantic Behaviors #22

When you show appreciation for your partner, you increase the likelihood that they will again want to earn your approval and compliment. Don’t you feel good and increasingly motivated when somebody appreciates your hard work? Doesn’t it make you want to try just a bit harder when somebody takes the time to express that they value what you do?

I discovered a nice article about appreciation at the NWA Marriages website.  To summarize, it is suggested that to make your partner feel appreciated, you should:

  1. Be specific-identifying particular behaviors is more appreciated that general gratitude. Besides, “…frequently, the appreciation is returned!”
  2. “Do the little things. Regularly do things that build love and friendship, such as spending time together, giving gifts, serving one another, offering encouragement, and being affectionate.” All of the suggestions in this blog and Romantic Newsletter will help you “do the little things”.
  3. “Check your filter. Not your oil or air filter, but the way you view your spouse.” Your perception, whether negative or positive can have a major impact on how you view the things your partner does. Additionally, your perception will eventually impact your partner’s perception of you and your behavior.

Showing appreciation is one of the best ways to “earn it” when it comes to developing a healthy relationship.

Passionate Kisses-Romantic Behavior #21

No matter how long you’ve been together, keep this refreshing thought of Emil Ludwig in mind… “The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”

One of the highlights of New Year’s Eve is the countdown to midnight when we kiss those closest to us. There are many types of kisses–the double kiss-one for each cheek, the cheeks touching while kissing air, quick kisses on the lips, and the most passionate of all-the deep kiss reserved for your partner. When was the last time you stared into your lovers eyes before closing your eyes and surrendering to the physical passion shared only by mates? Kisses can be as simple as the physical expression of a “love ya” or they can be primal, with the depth of a guttural, “I looooooove you!” Passionate kisses are one of the most enjoyable ways to show your partner that some of that initial attraction is still available physically–maybe it’s even grown! They are reflections of your loving relationship and one of the most enjoyable ways to “earn it”.

Take Action for Loving Behaviors or New Year Resolutions

Parable: Three frogs were sitting on a lily pad. One frog decided to jump. How many frogs were left?…   The correct answer is three. Remember, deciding to jump and actually jumping are two different things. Deciding is just a thought. Jumping is an action. ACTION is what counts! What ACTION are you taking today?

Reading a book or a newsletter about improving your relationships is a good start, but have you followed up and actually done something for your partner? Are you deciding or doing? Feel free to start off small but do something. Besides, if it’s been a long time since you’ve done something romantic, you will raise the curiosity of your partner–s/he may wonder “what did you do wrong?” You may actually find yourself defending your desire to take even better care of your partner. The bigger the reinforcement, the larger may be their curiosity. It may take a while, but s/he will definitely appreciate the actions of the “new you”. If you haven’t bought your wife flowers in twenty years and then suddenly reward her with ten dozen roses at once, do you think she’ll be concerned or even skeptical? Take action, but make it an appropriate action. Enjoy-your partner will!

Even Santa Suggests You “Earn It”

Even Santa Claus suggests that it is up to us to “earn it. He is one of creation’s most giving souls and represents the manifestation of “Christmas spirit” when we all give even more of ourselves. Yet, he doesn’t give unconditionally to all. He gives presents to “good little boys and girls” while the “bad” ones get lumps of coal. As the song goes, “…he’s making a list; he’s checking it twice; he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.” Do you condemn Santa for his “keeping score” and rewarding those that earn their rewards?

Santa travels throughout the entire world in a single night to deliver rewards to the children that have demonstrated “good” behavior throughout the year. He doesn’t ask for much in return but he does appreciate cookies and milk and maybe some carrots for his reindeer. During his busiest time of the year, he still makes appearances at shopping malls and parties while his elves work tirelessly to create all of the toys to be delivered in this one magical night.

He is so busy that many people volunteer to help him spread his Christmas cheer-I am one of his helpers. Twenty years ago, I volunteered to dress up like Santa for my daughters’ elementary school. I loved creating so many smiles that I eventually got my own suit, made of bright red crushed velvet. I have visited business clients for years, taking photos for lasting memories. I have helped Santa at family, friends’, work and Rotary parties. As hot as it gets inside that poorly breathing suit of cheer (especially when one needs to be overweight to properly represent “The Big Guy”), all of the beads of sweat are worth the smiles, happiness and hope that is shared by children of all ages and sizes, from newborn five pound infants to four hundred pound men that require a very steady and well-planted knee.

Santa's Helper with Our Grandchildren

Santa's Helper with Our Grandchildren


Yet, as the children get older, they get better at negotiating with Santa. Most of us want to earn our rewards and be placed on Santa’s “nice” list. But, as some “children” attempt to manipulate St. Nicholas (and themselves), they make the challenge “Dear Santa, Define Good”. Would your personal partner define you as “Good”?

My Favorite Amazon Review!

Imagine my surprise when I visited to see if there were any new reviews and I saw the following, from my wife! How rewarding is an unsolicited public confession as this?!? Well, I’ll tell you, it is quite motivating and makes me want to strive even harder to “earn it”.

“5.0 out of 5 stars I love the book and I love the man who wrote it!, December 16, 2010
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

“I highly recommend this book because I can say from experience, the principles work. Bob does practice what he preaches and I think I’m the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. I’m so proud of him and his accomplishment. I hope you consider buying his book and learning how to empower yourself for love. Taking responsibility for ourselves and earning your partners love is such a simple and easy concept. Once you start practicing the principles of earning it, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can be so completely loved. Don’t make others responsible for your happiness, get out there and earn it!”

Thank you, Chrissie. No wonder I love you so much!

Press Release After Radio Interview

Four days ago I was interviewed for an hour on Donna Marie Thompson’s “Bouncing Back Now Show” on which they created the following press release at

In one excerpt, “Quinlan continued providing relationship advice including to: “make your relationship priority number one in your life. With our busy schedules, work commitments, travel, deadlines, 24-hour connectivity, kids, activities, and other demands, it is unfortunately rather common to lose focus of our partner’s needs. We drift apart and then our differences become irreconcilable. This is completely avoidable.”

It was my first interview via Skype, so the technical education continues. We had a wonderful conversation and answered questions that listeners typed to her.

Love From Children’s Perspectives…

With all of the holiday hustle and bustle, here are some light-hearted thoughts… The following are quotes from an anonymous author from an e-mail I received… “What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . Slow down for a minute to read this. It is so worth it. 

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’  Terri – age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’  Danny – age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’  Emily – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’  Bobby – age 7

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’  Noelle – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’  Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ Chris- age 7

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’  Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’  Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’  Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. 

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’”

Regardless of the accuracy of this e-mail, the sentiments are wonderful. Kids understand the need to “earn it”.

More “5 Star” Amazon Reviews…

Here are some new reviews posted by people that have read Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love (bolding added for your ease):


This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

To learn is not always simple. To learn and remember what you’ve learned is a talent. Through Bob Quinlan’s book, Earn it: Empower Yourself for Love, the main feature of personal relationships is explored and simplified. This book conjures ideas of hope towards happiness with certain individuals in a person’s life. I recommend it for young adult readers as they “try to figure out the whats and whys” of a relationship to those wanting and needing to further enhance themselves, grow, in a relationship.

Happily Ever After, December 11, 2010

By Steve Liddick “50s Child” (Sacramento, CA)
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Bob Quinlan is giving men a chance to get it right. “Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love” is a clear demonstration of how the ‘happily ever after’ story cannot stop with the bride and groom kissing at the end of the ceremony and the prince carrying the girl off to his castle. It take[s] personal attention, patience, humility, self-searching, generosity; all those things many men tend to phase out after they’ve gotten their girl. If the anti-Neanderthal approach were put into practice by everyone, the divorce rate would surely plummet and the happiness rate would soar.

Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love, December 11, 2010

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Love is best when shared…Thanks Bob – that’s it in a nutshell. This book delivers the cycle of give and take in a way that is sure to kick-start the engines of love.

More “5 Star” Amazon Reviews…

Here are some new reviews posted by people that have read Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love (bolding added for your ease):

Simple concepts that can be used in all of life’s relationships

By Brett
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

As my title would imply, Bob Quinlan does a wonderful job of simplifying the (at times) complex business of relationships. His words, anecdotes and real world examples drive home the importance of paying appropriate attention to the key relationships in your life and the dividends that can be realized by “earning it” on a daily basis. Great read and I would recommend highly.

How Love Works

By Greg Howard

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Bob Quinlan has written a very cogent book on how to make love work. You EARN your partner’s love by making love a priority, and by continually reinvesting in your relationship. The book is simple, easy to understand, and VERY practical. Bob has the background in medical sales to show people a new way to look at love. By showing love as a choice, Bob teaches us how to add value to our relationship(s), and how to make them more meaningful. The book is one to come back to, and to use a blueprint for relationship success. Very readable!

Earn It is worth reading

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

“Earn It” is definitely worth the read. This book helped me focus on what is important in life: my family, my life-partner, and without them, the work is not very important. Bob Quinlan provides a step-by-step method for attaining balance in your life.