Upcoming Romance Seminar

Whether you are in a happy relationship that could be even better, or would like to define or re-define your relationship, we can help you discover what to do when the illusion wears off. Perhaps you can share stories of successes to enlighten others.

I will be one of the facilitators for an event about personal relationships titled, “Meet ‘Em, Date ‘Em, and Keep ‘Em”. The seminar is on Saturday, April 16, 2011 from 2-7 p.m. at the Red Lion Inn in Sacramento by some uniquely informative and entertaining staff.

We polled people to help determine what they would want to learn from such an event. Here are the results of the poll on which we will focus (thank you if you contributed). You may buy tickets to the event (we strongly suggest buying in advance due to limited space) or get more details at http://meetdatekeepseminar.eventbrite.com/ or from any of the facilitators.

The most valued topics of those polled (“Important” or “Very Important”) were: 

  • How to Be Appreciated……………………..90.5%
  • How to Keep a Relationship “Fresh”…..85.7%
  • How to Be Wanted…………………………….78.6%
  • How to Re-ignite the Passion…………….76.7%

These points will be addressed by Panel Discussion, Individual Presentations, Group Discussion and a Questions & Answer session. The most important components for people to decide to attend this event were: 

  • TOPICS: Will include the above, plus… Priorities, Communication, Balancing Life, Finding and Keeping a Healthy Relationship, Selection of a Partner.
  • QUALITY OF SPEAKERS: The five romance specialists include:

      Allen Fahden-Former stand-up comic and corporate creativity guru

      Carolyn Oliveira-Professional event planner, wife and mother of a 2 year old

      Bob Quinlan-author of Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love

      Maria West -Author and former mental health counselor

      Wendy Terrell-Professional Matchmaker and owner of Capital City Singles

  • PERCEIVED VALUE: The average survey response was an expected price of $46.38 per person, yet this powerful five-hour event is only $20 per person or $30 per couple-that is only $4 per hour! This is value.

 You may purchase tickets online, e-mail me (bobquinlan1@comcast.net) or call me (916) 712-4573 and I will deliver the tickets to you personally (in the Sacramento area).  This informative event will help you care even more about yourself and each other.

 Feel free to share this invitation with others as well. Thank you.

Romance U Seminar-Rescheduled to April 16

To better accomodate so many requests, the “Meet ‘Em, Date ‘Em, and Keep ‘Em” Romance Seminar has been rescheduled to April 16, same time, same place. You may sign up or get more information at http://meetdatekeepseminar.eventbrite.com.

Learn how to be one of the 50% of marriages THAT DO LAST. Six Romance Specialists will show you how during a five-hour seminar (2-7 p.m.) on Feb. 5, the day before the Super Bowl and in time to plan for Valentine’s Day. Since it is a first-time event for Romance U (which we plan to “take on the road” to other cities) the “Introductory Offer” tuition is low but the quality is high–$20 for singles or $30 for couples, for FIVE HOURS of interaction to define or rekindle your love. Classes are designed to meet YOUR needs, whether you’re looking (Meet ‘Em), defining (Date ‘Em) or improving (Keep ‘Em) your relationship. Register at http://meetdatekeepseminar.eventbrite.com

My fellow instructors will be Wendy Terrell (a Professional Matchmaker-owner of Capital City Singles), Allen Fahden (author & speaker, creator of the L.O.V.E. system of relationship evaluations), Carolyn Oliviera (a professional event planner-owner of Events & Affairs Planning), Honey Jaks (author, storyteller of creating romantic evenings), Karri Grant (Professional Image Consultant).

Don’t worry, if you can’t attend in Sacramento, this is intended to be a traveling seminar that will visit other cities around the country. Stay tuned…

We DO Judge Books by Their Covers

Book cover design…

The following is an excerpt from the website of Karri Grant, who will be one of the presenters at the upcoming seminar presented by Romance U, Meet ‘Em, Date ‘Em, and Keep ‘Em, with other romance professionals on Feb. 5 from 2-7 p.m. at the Red Lion Inn in Sacramento.

“Research has shown that the ‘first impression’ is formed within minutes of meeting someone, and we make an average of 11 judgments about each other on both conscious and subconscious levels. Statistically, 55% of these judgments are based on appearance, 38% are based on presentation and 7% is based on what we actually say.

“Understanding which styles, colors and accessories suit you the best is vital to portraying a confident and successful image. With a wardrobe built around your lifestyle, preferences and budget, your clothing can complement your features, shape, coloring and personality. The result is a flexible wardrobe outfitted for all occasions that can be updated seasonally with minimal effort.”

Are you presenting the image that you desire, both at home and at work? Yes, we want to be comfortable and put on our sweatpants and slippers at home but are you balancing that by dressing up for your partner at times? Dressing up is an important part of a long-lasting relationship and yet another way you can “earn it” periodically.

How Much is She Worth at Home?

In the book, The Business of Love, author Dr. John Curtis developed the “Relationship Compensation Calculation Worksheet” in which he analyzed how much it would cost to replace the duties of a “stay home mom”. Between the cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, day care, personal assistant, gardening, bookkeeping, handyman repair duties, and “escort services,” he estimates that these services would cost between $84,600-$148,440 per year! Do you think the average man shows his lady that much appreciation every year? Or do you think these services get taken for granted and become expected?

We are all have a value for the behaviors that we contribute to the relationship. Critically evaluate how valuable your mate is to you and reward him or her for such. The above only demonstrates the financial value. How can you put a price on your partner having faith in you, being a sounding board when you need, or planning to grow old with you and maybe even change your diapers some day? How valuable is your partner? Do you show your appreciation for such?

Appreciate Your Partner-Romantic Behaviors #22

When you show appreciation for your partner, you increase the likelihood that they will again want to earn your approval and compliment. Don’t you feel good and increasingly motivated when somebody appreciates your hard work? Doesn’t it make you want to try just a bit harder when somebody takes the time to express that they value what you do?

I discovered a nice article about appreciation at the NWA Marriages website.  To summarize, it is suggested that to make your partner feel appreciated, you should:

  1. Be specific-identifying particular behaviors is more appreciated that general gratitude. Besides, “…frequently, the appreciation is returned!”
  2. “Do the little things. Regularly do things that build love and friendship, such as spending time together, giving gifts, serving one another, offering encouragement, and being affectionate.” All of the suggestions in this blog and Romantic Newsletter will help you “do the little things”.
  3. “Check your filter. Not your oil or air filter, but the way you view your spouse.” Your perception, whether negative or positive can have a major impact on how you view the things your partner does. Additionally, your perception will eventually impact your partner’s perception of you and your behavior.

Showing appreciation is one of the best ways to “earn it” when it comes to developing a healthy relationship.

My Favorite Amazon Review!

Imagine my surprise when I visited Amazon.com to see if there were any new reviews and I saw the following, from my wife! How rewarding is an unsolicited public confession as this?!? Well, I’ll tell you, it is quite motivating and makes me want to strive even harder to “earn it”.

“5.0 out of 5 stars I love the book and I love the man who wrote it!, December 16, 2010
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

“I highly recommend this book because I can say from experience, the principles work. Bob does practice what he preaches and I think I’m the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. I’m so proud of him and his accomplishment. I hope you consider buying his book and learning how to empower yourself for love. Taking responsibility for ourselves and earning your partners love is such a simple and easy concept. Once you start practicing the principles of earning it, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can be so completely loved. Don’t make others responsible for your happiness, get out there and earn it!”

Thank you, Chrissie. No wonder I love you so much!

More “5 Star” Amazon Reviews…

Here are some new reviews posted by people that have read Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love (bolding added for your ease):

Simplification

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

To learn is not always simple. To learn and remember what you’ve learned is a talent. Through Bob Quinlan’s book, Earn it: Empower Yourself for Love, the main feature of personal relationships is explored and simplified. This book conjures ideas of hope towards happiness with certain individuals in a person’s life. I recommend it for young adult readers as they “try to figure out the whats and whys” of a relationship to those wanting and needing to further enhance themselves, grow, in a relationship.

Happily Ever After, December 11, 2010

By Steve Liddick “50s Child” (Sacramento, CA)
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Bob Quinlan is giving men a chance to get it right. “Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love” is a clear demonstration of how the ‘happily ever after’ story cannot stop with the bride and groom kissing at the end of the ceremony and the prince carrying the girl off to his castle. It take[s] personal attention, patience, humility, self-searching, generosity; all those things many men tend to phase out after they’ve gotten their girl. If the anti-Neanderthal approach were put into practice by everyone, the divorce rate would surely plummet and the happiness rate would soar.

Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love, December 11, 2010

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Love is best when shared…Thanks Bob – that’s it in a nutshell. This book delivers the cycle of give and take in a way that is sure to kick-start the engines of love.

More “5 Star” Amazon Reviews…

Here are some new reviews posted by people that have read Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love (bolding added for your ease):

Simple concepts that can be used in all of life’s relationships

By Brett
This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

As my title would imply, Bob Quinlan does a wonderful job of simplifying the (at times) complex business of relationships. His words, anecdotes and real world examples drive home the importance of paying appropriate attention to the key relationships in your life and the dividends that can be realized by “earning it” on a daily basis. Great read and I would recommend highly.

How Love Works

By Greg Howard

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

Bob Quinlan has written a very cogent book on how to make love work. You EARN your partner’s love by making love a priority, and by continually reinvesting in your relationship. The book is simple, easy to understand, and VERY practical. Bob has the background in medical sales to show people a new way to look at love. By showing love as a choice, Bob teaches us how to add value to our relationship(s), and how to make them more meaningful. The book is one to come back to, and to use a blueprint for relationship success. Very readable!

Earn It is worth reading

This review is from: Earn It: Empower Yourself For Love (Paperback)

“Earn It” is definitely worth the read. This book helped me focus on what is important in life: my family, my life-partner, and without them, the work is not very important. Bob Quinlan provides a step-by-step method for attaining balance in your life.

“Fishing by Moonlight”

Another book that I read over the Thanksgiving holiday is Fishing by Moonlight: The Art of Enhancing Intimate Relationship by Colene Sawyer, Ph.D. Had I not personally met the author at a writers group, I may have not finished reading the book–and I would have missed out! Having been a psychiatric nurse for nine years, the psychotherapy jargon and principles always seemed limiting to me. Exploring childhoods and focusing on why people do things can take a long time and much therapy. Eventually, I began to believe that WHAT we do is so much more important than WHY we do it. That is one of the reasons I love business and used it as a framework for Earn It. Clients don’t care what your motivations or fears are, they simply care that you produce the results they seek. This can be equally applied to your personal relationships.

The final chapter of Fishing by Moonlight addresses healthy relationships–and it was quite informative and motivating. It reads, “The most important function of marriage is being able to comfort each other…Neither of you can be happy if one is feeling wounded by the relationship…find ways to be curious rather than furious–to strive to understand rather than to blame–to take responsibility for your part in the disappointments your partner feels.” The author then identified six healthy ways to resolve couples’ conflicts and eleven features of partners in healthy relationships. She also wrote, “A happy, healthy, robust relationship is something we all aspire to. Though it does not happen by accident, it is something you can create.” In other words, Earn It.

“The Five Languages of Love”

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I took the time to read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. In Earn It: Empower Yourself for Love, I wrote that just as at work, we have to assess our prospect’s or client’s needs; we can’t just go in to them and say, “This is what I have, so this is what you need.” We have to listen to them and observe what their needs truly are to be of sincere value to them. The same applies to your romantic relationships. The primary goal of a truly loving relationship is to help your partner fill their needs. This may involve more than just doing what you like having done to you-your needs may be different than those of your partner.

In this enlightening book, the author discusses five specific sets of behaviors by which people become valuable to their romantic partner: 1) Words of Affection, 2) Quality Time, 3) Receiving Gifts, 4) Acts of Service, and 5) Physical Touch. He uses the analogy that each of these is as unique as speaking a foreign language. You may be speaking English to your partner, but if her primary language is Spanish or French, you will have challenges understanding each other. You will need to understand your own needs (your “language”) but also learn to understand your partner’s needs (his or her “language”). Whether you speak more languages of linguistics or more languages of love, being versatile makes you more valuable. Your partner may need different levels of any of these “languages” at any time; being able to meet their changing needs makes you a better communicator and a better lover.

This is a wonderful analogy of how couples “just don’t understand each other” and gradually drift apart. As he wrote, “We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.” If Quality Time is the most important thing to your partner, but you keep giving her tangible gifts, she will not appreciate the physical gift as much she would you spending time focusing on her. In business relationships you work to understand your client’s needs. In romantic relationships, work to understand your lover’s needs. This is yet another way you empower yourself to “earn it”.